Its 9:58pm and I've just finished my weekly Italian Lesson with Natalie and I'm not sure why but I got the urge to write. About a month ago Natalie asked me to teach her Italian and I agreed as it has been something I've been wanting to develop within myself too. (For a while, as she pointed out from reading one of my first blog posts............better late than never haha) I told her I barely knew what I was doing and although I can understand it fluently, speaking it is hard for me but we both jumped into the idea with excitement and decided Wednesday night from now on is Italian night. In just a few weeks it has become a tradition and we've started to include Italian dinners together too. Week 2 she brought pizza and week 3 I made us spaghetti bolognese (we're honestly the cutest). I always leave our lessons feeling so good about myself and about us and it feels so good to be committing to growth with someone else and seeing each other develop and its honestly so much fun. Nat tries to pronounce the words and I correct her and we spend most the time laughing at her mispronunciations and my spelling errors and both of our cluelessness but honestly it's so fulfilling and I'm so glad we've started and committed to it every single week. And in saying that we are both getting so good!
Usually we do our Italian lesson for an hour until 8pm and then Nat goes home but tonight we got caught up in conversation and after she left I was reflecting on it and just how grateful I am to be close to this girl again. This girl has truly made me believe that some people just come in to your life exactly when you need them and honestly this is exactly Nat for me.
For a little (long) while I've been feeling kind of lost and directionless and it's been very frustrating to me since I'm usually so goal oriented & driven. It's been so wonderful to have someone who is (literally girl, i mean this) exactly the type of girl I aspire to be, to have come into my life & kind of almost give me a wake up call like WHAT have i been doing lately, why am I being how I'm being when I could be a boss lady like NAT. haha I don't know how to describe it but I just appreciate you showing up in my life when you have, and I never want to let you leave now because you inspire me so much and we always have the most intellectual conversations and I feel like you challenge me to stand up for myself more and be more ballsy (if thats a word haha) and I challenge you to be more patient and did I already say I appreciate you so much.
It's been a stressful few weeks (years lol) but the past few weeks especially and as well as being direct and telling me exactly what I need to hear like the boss lady she is, this girl has stood by me and told me not to stress and that she'll be there for me and honestly people like you are so important and I'm so glad I have a Nat in my life. You know exactly when I need kicking up the butt and exactly when I need comforting and you're so wonderful for a lot of reasons but especially that. You are just like me in your stubbornness and i feel like we have the same frustrations, I love how high your standards are for yourself & thanks for reminding me to keep mine high too.
I feel like I honestly have so much gratitude. sometimes I actually annoy myself. I worry that I sound fake or that I say things so much it decreases the value of it all but honestly I mean it when I say the things I say to every single person I say them to. Sometimes I tell myself I need to chill and stop telling everyone I love them so much hahah but at the same time I WANT TO OK.
"hello my love" "okay bye love you" "hey my darling" etc etc is me, always. but I mean it 100000% when I say If I'm saying it to you its because I freaking adore you. And ALSO this lady walked past me in the shops the other day and I didn't know her but I smiled and her and she said "hello my love" and I feel like she was me in 40 years and she literally made my day and made me so happy. My heart is just always exploding and I want you all to know how important you are and how much I honestly cherish you. sounds so dumb and cliche and cheesy but ITS TRUE.
I always get to the end of a blog and wonder what my point is.
Too much love in this lil heart it just needs to get let out every now and then I suppose.