August - I bought a van
Still feels crazy to say. It’s just so unlike me.
I’m overly sensible and rational and rarely do things “because I want to” and without a well thought-out practical explanation…but here we are.
Don’t get me wrong, I have thought about this with serious consideration since I went to Nannup with Kassy and Stephen in September, but I managed to talk myself out of it…as I do with most of my ideas. I let fear stop me from doing things pretty often; it’s something I don’t like about myself. I am trying to change that. I am always resistant to change, I am not adventurous (as much as I want to be), I worry about small details and overanalyse everything. When I went to Nannup with Kassy and Stephen the idea felt so easy. “I want to buy a van” I remember thinking…as if that’s all that it needed to be; a thought. Not for me and my brain. From there I looked into van conversions obsessively. Hours upon hours of Pinterest, instagram and YouTube. I felt like I was taking a crash course on carpentry, and electrical, and plumbing. And the more real I made it, the more the details scared me, so I did what I always do…I set the idea aside.
A few months later it was summer and over the Christmas break Xavi and I decided to go down south in my car. (Probably the smallest model of car you can buy before one of those electric mini cars - I know that seems like an irrelevant detail to add but just wait.) We decided on the places we wanted to see and decided that we’d have to do it over 2 days in order to make the most of the trip. We wanted to save on accommodation so we decided we would sleep in my car. (I wish you could understand how funny this is - really, the car is tiny.) I slept in the backseat curled up and Xavi in the front passenger seat reclined. (“slept” is maybe too generous a word. ) but, we had a great time regardless of being sleep deprived. It is one of my favourite memories with him and it made me feel alive. Staying at the beach all day from when the sun rose to when it set again. It reignited my passion for life.
The past year (or two) has been so uncertain. I would love to do more travelling internationally and I spend a while waiting for things to go back to normal but I think it just hit me that we don’t know how long we’ll be waiting…so I started to look for vans. I still feel like at this time Xavi and my parents thought that it was another one of those Sam ideas that she becomes obsessed with and then lets go of, but about a month or so after seriously looking I found the exact model that I was hoping for. and. I. bought. it.
Xavi still says to me. “Can’t believe you actually bought a van” to which I always reply “neither.” both of us amused knowing it’s not like me at all. I feel like a little daredevil…no one can stop this spontaneous gal. “Spontaneous…” I mean, I have been thinking about it for a year but look, spontaneous for me okay? I find I easily get overwhelmed and I have to catch myself. Most “van lifers” are living out of their vans full time and they have these beautiful, huge, extravagant ‘yacht vans’. And it’s hard not to get caught up in “wants” that feel like “needs”. But realistically - we slept in my car. We clearly do not need much. In fact; leg room. That’s all we need. :’) The rest we’ll figure out along the way.
The current battle is me and my obsession with aesthetically pleasing things and dad and his obsession with practicality (a.k.a ugly things - in my humble opinion haha) He said he didn’t want to help me at first, and I was prepared for that, but as soon as I parked it at their house he couldn’t help himself but ask my ideas and tell me how he could help. I am glad to be doing this with him - for the help but also for the extra time together.
All in all I’m really proud of myself and that sits above all the other stuff. If I have to sell it again next week because I just can’t do it, so be it. But I’m proud of myself for actually trying something without exactly knowing how it will play out. Sounds silly, but it’s a big step for me.
