Falling in love in 2024

People are so kind about these silly little blogs I do, and sometimes even ask me when my next one is coming and I never know. I don’t plan to blog, and it’s impossible to predict when thoughts will start stirring inside me that feel like they need to be shared.

This time it was in the car. I’m not the biggest fan of driving - I wouldn’t say I love it, nor would I say I hate it, I just do it because I have to do it, but if I have any mission in life it is to make the ordinary moments enjoyable; When I do chores I put on headphones and dance to my favourite music, when I read at night I light candles to set a mood (makes me feel like I’m living in the 1800s where I belong), if I’m working at home and it’s sunny I’ll find a nice spot to sit in the sun, and if I am driving anywhere the music/podcast must suit my mood. I know you’re wondering what my point is, but I’m trying to paint a picture here, bear with me…

So; I’m driving along, listening to whatever my music fixation was at that time, singing (of course), and you know those moments where you kind of have an out of body experience; like when you’re sitting across from someone you like and you realise you love them…I had that moment, but with life. Where I just thought, wow; life can be terrifying, and brutal, and rough, but in this moment I feel so fortunate to be living mine. Feeling love in such a simple moment made me reflect on the year ahead. I thought about all the experiences awaiting me in the coming months, realising just how incredible this year has the potential to be. The thought made me full-blown giddy. And we all know Sam can’t shut up when she has a crush on someone, so here I am writing about my current crush. (Life)

Next month I am leaving with a friend to spend 3 months traveling Italy. (I know…I still can’t believe it.) If I was writing a book about my life, I feel like it could begin here. I’ve always been a very safe and sensible person - meticulously organised, and structured, and the least bit interested in “just doing” anything, in fact - the thought of doing new things without knowing what to expect used to absolutely terrify me. As I’m sure I’ve mentioned in my previous blogs, I have hugely shifted within myself over the past couple of years, and really found myself at home with the thought that life is too short to not be appreciated every single day. This absolute dedication I have found for enjoying my life has resulted in the ability to set firmer personal boundaries, take more risks, be more rational, but also become more free in my thinking. Since falling in love with Italy and my Italian humans in 2018, I have wanted to work remotely to be able to visit as I please, and it took me years to take that leap. I’ve been freelancing a year, and now it’s time for the next leap.

Just quickly: All this talk on living “stress-free” doesn’t take away from the fact that I am still me. Have I made multiple budgeting spreadsheets to track my income, savings, and expenses - yes. Did I set myself a strict weekly savings goal, resulting in more work, less fun with friends, and more selling stuff on Facebook marketplace, in order to hit it - yes. Ya girl has been hustling. Honestly, no matter how care free I become, I don’t have it in me to be reckless with my life.  Freelancing has seen me working longer hours than I ever envisioned, but I am so happy to be doing it. I am so grateful for the opportunity to say yes and no, to have people who trust me and ask for work from me, I honestly still pinch myself every day that this is my life. 

Originally the purpose of this trip was to see if I could move to Italy permanently. I feel so at home there, and Italians are 100% my people. It’s something I have considered since my first visit, but as I am entering my thirties (*have entered, AH), and I have been thinking about what I really want my life to look like, the thought of moving there became more serious for me. My plan upon coming home from my last trip was to get my passport by applying for dual citizenship through my dad, as I had believed he still had Italian citizenship. In the end he doesn’t, nor does my mum, and my grandparents aren’t alive so I can’t apply through them, so plans to live in Italy have been put on the back-burner. I know it’s not impossible, but I don’t want to give up my work here to get a job or study in Italy, and I still have hopes to marry for love, and not for citizenship. :’) …for now…(haha kidding.) Regardless of this change, it hasn’t at all taken away from the fact that I am so excited to experience more of Italy, and for a longer period of time.

So, back to Sam in the car: As I’m driving along surprised at how giddy I feel in such a simple moment - I think about the upcoming 3 months; the new places in which we’ll be waking up and falling asleep, the new beaches we’ll relax on, oceans we’ll swim in, the new foods we’ll try, the different sunset spots we’ll have dinner by, the new smells and the memories I’ll associate them with, the new people we’ll meet that I’ll find myself wondering how I never knew them before. I am so excited to experience so many new places and find new reasons that make me fall in love with Italy over and over again. It is incredible that some people hope to only fall in love once in their lifetime, when I want to seek it out every single day. What will I see that inspires future art works, what words will I journal about from our adventures, what new ways of living will I learn that I bring back with me and implement back into my life in Australia.

Lately I’ve been trying to live a little slower, and I know Italians are much better at this which is another reason I am so excited to immerse myself in their culture. It’s rare that we allow ourselves to feel bored anymore, to sit and just think, or be quiet in our minds. For me, the moment I have nothing to do, I find myself scrolling on my phone, and though it’s so common now, I am starting to feel frustrated by this useless habit. We live in an attention deficit society, because we have so many things screaming for our attention. I heard in a recent podcast that our attention spans have minimised to 3 seconds, and I want to expand mine again. I noticed that I am constantly finding ways to multitask in order to feel more productive, and I’d really like to change that and become okay with just doing one thing at a time and really immersing myself in that one thing, or even doing something I enjoy without productivity in mind at all. I am hoping that this will bring back my creative spark that I used to feel so strongly, I am hoping it’ll make me feel more passionate and present in my life.

Sometimes life is hard, and scary. This blog has been half-drafted in my notes, and in the back of my mind for months, but there have been days where I’ve been reminded of the seriousness and fragility of life and felt so guilty for not only feeling the joy, but wanting to share it. I don’t know how to overcome these feelings sometimes, but I try not to let myself be held captive by them. If when we’re happy, we never share in fear of hurting the sad people, and when we’re sad, we never share in fear of upsetting the happy, we won’t ever share at all, and above all, I believe sharing is fundamental in human connection…and that’s the thought that always brings me back here.

What I can say is, there’s not even the tiniest part of me that takes this part of my life (or any part of my life) for granted, nor do I think in any way I am entitled to it. I am a very conscious person and I am always doing what I can to make sure I am living a life I am proud of, so I do give myself some credit for being where I am, but I know tomorrow everything could change, and honestly when I really think about it, I think that’s where the feelings of love and immense appreciation actually come from, the fear of losing it all.  

In love, you choose someone, and they choose you back - and one day they could stop, you could lose them, or feelings can change…but while they choose you, and you choose them - it can be one of the most beautiful feelings in the entire world.

I am so grateful that I chose this life,
but more than that; I am grateful that, even just for now, this life is choosing me.