Seeya FB

Social media overwhelms me. As much as I use it - I hate it. Technological advancements are incredible and in ways I think we are incredibly lucky to have it all at our finger tips - we can learn anything we want to learn within a few clicks, we have access to all the information in the world, I have made some incredible friends who have changed my life that I met through facebook or instagram…and don’t even get me started on how highly I value google maps as part of my life. (no, seriously.) Although, I do also feel that everything becoming instantaneous and easy has made people (generally) less grateful, less patient, more entitled, and dare I say materialistic…and sometimes I feel we have lost sight of what is actually important. I do understand that different things are important to different people and I’m not saying my opinion is right, it is just my opinion. I live for intimate moments, memories and deep connections and it hurts me to see children being brought up on ipads, it kills me to imagine my life as a teenage girl if I had to grow up with social media, in ways I resent it for who it is turning us into. It’s all about appearance and what’s on the surface and those things couldn’t be less important to me but I feel those values of mine being shaken.

When I think of the things that are important to me - it’s knowing myself, it’s feeling confident in my skin, deep connections with people and personal growth. It’s learning, and creating and finding fulfilment in things. I find that I admire people most when they’re undeniably themselves, which is so hard when we live in a world which constantly seems to be setting our standards for us.

I have found that my frustration with how caught up I was in social media started like a little itch and has continued to grow. Apple now has this feature that lets you set app limits and I set all of my social media for an hour a day and at first I was always going over it. I began tracking my screen time and it was far higher than I would have imagined - 4 hours, 5 hours, 60 - 80 pick ups per day, I couldn’t believe it. (Moment was the app I used if anyone wants to try it - It’ll make you very sad about your life haha) Becoming more conscious was good for me and now I have it down to 1-2 hours a day, but still when I think of how much of that time is actually productive I don’t think it’s a lot. The thought of deleting my Facebook and Instagram has been on my mind for a few months. I find myself frustrated by them and yet still using them - It’s truly comparable to an addiction, and I hate that it has this hold on me. My biggest fear is losing connections and being forgotten about, being left out of things or friends forgetting to message because they won’t see me online. But realistically the real friends shouldn’t. My driving factor at the moment is how low my self esteem has become in terms of my appearance. I find myself constantly looking for flaws within myself or seeing features other girls have that I wish I had. It’s toxic and it’s not important, but the fact that it is impacting me, is. I started to imagine myself without social media and the things I would be doing instead, I imagine myself spending more time painting without distractions, or learning new songs on the piano (which I do currently, but just doing more of it.) and a thought crosses my mind which surprises me “But what if I paint a really good painting and can’t display it anywhere online. Or what if I learn something and can’t post it? Where will I post my photos?” I sat on that thought for a while and then had to remind myself who I’m living for. I don’t paint for other people, I paint for me. Why does it matter who sees them? Who am I looking for validation from? I should be the only person I need validation from. Right? I’ll admit this part of me conflicts with the part that loves seeing and being inspired by other people’s work which they share online, and I think about the shame it would be if they kept theirs to themselves. In small ways like this I’m conflicted.

Anyway I sort of wonder whether I should just surrender to these things that are undeniably the future. Already, anyone I’ve told that I’m thinking about getting off social media is like “WHY.” and I find it had to explain myself. I don’t want to be like one of those old ladies that is scared of microwaves, that’s not me right now. and I’m not saying I’ll never be back, but I think some time to remember how to live without it, to be reminding of that actual important things to myself, and to live completely without thinking about people’s responses or thoughts to my life will be really good for me. 

I’ll still have this website, I’ll still have my email and my mobile for those who are close to me to contact me on. But yeah I dunno, there’s people who I adore online that I am not really close enough to text but I do love being cyber friends and I’ll miss them and I guess that keeps me holding on too. One nice thing about social media is you can feel close to people without actually being close to them and I’ll miss that. 

Anyway not sure how to end this blog. Why can’t I just be normal for one time. 

Oh well, 

Bye. 

Will let ya’s know if/when I delete.

P.S
On a positive note about the internet - the website has been live for almost 3 months now and it is just the greatest thing I have ever created and (lets be honest, selfishly speaking) it makes me SO DAMN HAPPY reading people’s stories that they submit, I can’t even begin to express it.